Why I won’t email you back (a real-world example)

This morning I read one of the many “cold emails” I receive and wondered, not for the first time if the “spray and pray” strategy of blasting messages to strangers actually works.

Let’s break down a recent example from a sender I will call “Keith”

Hi Kristin, I wanted to find out do the sales reps at Sundin Associates reach out to C-level executives to create new business opportunities? Or is the target job role more specific?

Call me a traditionalist, but it seems like Keith would get a bit further if he added some human interest & connection. Or at the very least, introduced himself and asked if I was interested in speaking with someone about new business opportunities.

Also, does Keith (or his email marketing team) really believe I’m going to take the time to write out an explanation of the new business practices here at the Agency? To a stranger? On Tuesday after a long weekend?

(I’ll cut him some slack on this last one, recognizing that his company is based in England. Which, I know, because I actually did 5 seconds of research, in part to check out if he was real, and not a robot.)

Because I’d love to show you a quick demo of how I’d automate outreach for your sales reps, so they don’t spend any time researching on google or copy and pasting emails.

As I’ve never met Keith or his company, nor do we have any shared connections via LinkedIn (again, just a few seconds of research led to this discovery), I don’t know what he is going to demonstrate.

And, since I haven’t answered the first question (how do we create new business opportunities), I’m not sure I appreciate his assumption that our strategy is spending time “researching on Google or copy & pasting emails.”

What time would work for to talk this afternoon?

Let me check my schedule but I’m thinking half past never.

The only thing that is worse than the presumption of this question, are the emails that include a link to a Google Calendar invitation.

Thanks,
Keith
Buy My Software Solutions
Ps: Sent from my iPhone – excuse my typos

Please  unsubscribe here if you don’t want to receive such messages in future.  

I would have probably just ignored this email like all the others, but then I got to his signature and couldn’t ignore the blatant lie that is “Ps: Sent from my iPhone – excuse my typos.”

Why is it a lie? Because the last time I checked, people who include the “excuse my typos” footer are rarely sending out emails en masse from an email marketing platform with opt-out capability.

I don’t know where “Keith” got my email (but “thanks” to whatever organization sold me and my information), and I will never opt-out as that’s just going to confirm that I’m alive and reading this drek.

And while I will never know how Keith could have solved my new business problems, I can at least thank him for a great example of what not to do. Maybe you can compare notes with “Michael” and figure out a better way to drum up new business.

The email in question – just in case you thought I was making this up.

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